Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
