I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize