it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
