Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
