So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
