Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
