just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
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i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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