Banned from zoo.
Again?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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