I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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