There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
