he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
