Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Randomize
