man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
