I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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