Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
