This is not my ceiling
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.