Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one

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  (716): there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one http://tfl.nu/1wzf
  Replies (3) Good night (1499) Bad night (501)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.

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  (313): Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch. http://tfl.nu/eota
  Replies (14) Good night (852) Bad night (3259)
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  (916): View more from California

  I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.

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  (916): I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum. http://tfl.nu/f301
  Replies (24) Good night (6401) Bad night (833)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.

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  (540): Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed. http://tfl.nu/420i
  Replies (19) Good night (1559) Bad night (3952)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...

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  (262): By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire... http://tfl.nu/1iat
  Replies (5) Good night (1599) Bad night (740)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love

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  (905): he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love http://tfl.nu/0ny7
  Replies (21) Good night (3692) Bad night (739)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?

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  (843): Who's nuvaring is under my pillow? http://tfl.nu/bq0m
  Replies (7) Good night (673) Bad night (2739)
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  (648): View more from

  Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.

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  (648): Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me. http://tfl.nu/1al0
  Replies (5) Good night (1305) Bad night (612)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!

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  (512): I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate! http://tfl.nu/aytf
  Replies (12) Good night (2132) Bad night (810)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...

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  (267): she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling... http://tfl.nu/2dyo
  Replies (2) Good night (681) Bad night (408)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.

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  (732): Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age. http://tfl.nu/drps
  Replies (5) Good night (1359) Bad night (719)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.

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  (778): I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack. http://tfl.nu/1g01
  Replies (10) Good night (510) Bad night (747)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!

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  (218): Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them! http://tfl.nu/cqdf
  Replies (1) Good night (762) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir

  (716): View more from New York

  That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people

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  (585): He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir (716): That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people http://tfl.nu/6664
  Replies (0) Good night (555) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.

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  (508): just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing. http://tfl.nu/syuf
  Replies (3) Good night (393) Bad night (687)

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