i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.