Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
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