That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast