During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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