Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden