where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
