Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
