even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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