bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
