Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
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What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
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I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo