dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.