not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.