I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
