ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
