I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
