Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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