Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
