I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize