it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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