well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he fucked my hip out of place.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize