this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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