We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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