dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
