suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
