gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
