Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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