You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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