I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
