God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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