it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
