I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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