We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
