I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
