I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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