hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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