We won't sleep together?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
