the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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