she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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