I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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