My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
time to smoke my breakfast
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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