Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
