i wish starbucks made bloody marys
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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