I feel great
I just peed on a car
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
