I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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