i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
