There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
me + whiskey = a bad person
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
