just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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